Five Thoughts: Manchester City 2-3 Manchester United

Part the First: Ban the Fan: My four least favorite players all play for Man United. Has there been a game this season where Wayne Rooney hasn’t been seen waving his arms, complaining whilst running toward the ref, forgetting the times he's had the benefit of the doubt? There has not. Has there been a game where Rio Ferdinand hasn't done something obnoxious? There has not. Has there ever been a game where Ashley Young didn’t fall to the field as if he’d been shot, even from paper thin contact? There has not. Finally, if you don’t hate Patrice Evra (shown here leading the weirdest rebellion in World Cup history), there is really something wrong with you. Seriously, get some therapy.

But.

If the fan who threw the coin is found, that fan should be banned from every soccer field on the planet for the rest of his or her life. That fan should never be allowed to touch a ball for the rest of his or her life, should have his or her kits taken and burned in front of his or her eyes and then charged with assault which should stay on his or her record for the rest of his or her life. I want to make a joke about how the fan has done what was otherwise thought to be impossible—he’s got people feeling sorry for Rio Ferdinand—but there’s no joke to be made here. Rio could’ve had his career ended and there is no excusing that at all.

Part the Second: I Hate Myself: In spite of what I wrote above, Man United had a goal taken away from them and with my replay plan (found here), City would have been down 3-0. Let me repeat before I’m tempted to cut out my own tongue that the Ashley Young goal should have counted. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth.

Part the Third: Balo was Crapo: I’ve seen worse performances by Balotelli (last year versus Arsenal comes to mind) but I’ve never seen him more laconic. One would think that after the horrific performance against Dortmund, Mario would feel he’d have something to make up for but he just didn’t bring the effort today and speaking of things that are inexcusable. I’ve always argued that Mancini is doing the right thing by giving Mario a little more rope than other players but today, I’m wondering if Balotelli didn’t just take that rope and wrap it around his neck. I’m typing this before the post-game interviews but I have to believe that Mancini will have less than kind words for Balotelli. The only thing I’ll give him credit for is that he actually came back on to the pitch to support his teammates (damned big of him, don't you think) but that’s the only positive thing he did on the pitch. If Tevez starts and Kompany doesn’t get hurt, we have a much better chance of winning. Mancini couldn't have done anything about the latter but he'll have hell to play for the former and I'm not sure the people giving him hell will be wrong.

Part the Fourth: Dive, Damn You, Dive!: There is going to be a lot written about this game but one thing that might get passed over is that Carlos Tevez, whatever else you want to say about him (last season’s bizarre behavior, this game’s chippy behavior), he just doesn’t dive. Maybe it’s an Argentinian thing; Messi doesn’t dive, Aguero doesn’t do it. But if Carlos Tevez goes down in minute 67—and he was being fouled pretty hard by Patrice Evra (speaking of players I love to hate), City gets a PK. Hey, if the opposition does it and there is replay to suggest otherwise, why should be punish ourselves? There isn't a striker in the EPL who gets fouled more without the foul being called than Sergio Aguero but Tevez is right up there. He needs to start selling some calls.

Part the Fifth: The Blame Game: Poll. You know what to do.